Dad's in a nursing home in Bismarck, my daughter's in the Cities, my oldest son on the West Coast. We have a lake home. What does this mean? That at any given location at any given time, I want to be somewhere else. If I'm home, I'm missing my two oldest kids, my dad, and the lake. You get the picture.
I try not to feel guilty, but I admit it - it's difficult to feel peaceful when I'm feeling pulled. I know we're called the sandwich generation, but I don't feel like a nice piece of deli turkey nestled softly between two warm freshly-baked pieces of bread. I feel like a piece of roast beef that's been torn into little pieces then put onto 5 different plates, and I'm supposed to feed everyone.
Well then, THERE we get to it! So let's dive a little deeper, shall we? I have always said that I permanently give a piece of my heart to my children, but that's not even the end of it. I've also given my heart to my father. I call it the 6 people I love more than anything in the Universe (I told Dad he was one of my Five, and he said 'Mom.....' so I changed it to 6), but then that would mean that the absolutely only time I'll ever feel 100% happy is when all 5 of my (living) loved ones are in one place, and it just doesn't look like that's going to be happening any time soon. So then what am I supposed to do?
It appears I feel guilty. I'm a caretaker. A nurturer. I DO things for people I love. I bake double chocolate gourmet brownies and rush them off to the post office before they cool. I buy clothes, and pad Thai, and expensive scotch. I serve at school, give back rubs, write cards. Frankly I don't know how any of my Five survive without me. I worry about them, text them to make sure they're taking their vitamins, ask if they've fixed their brakes yet. I even brought Dad a pot roast to his room at the home because he was missing the smell of home-cooked food. And I love doing all of those things - it makes me happy. So what's the problem? "I'm supposed to feed everyone after I've been torn into little pieces and separated..."
Do I feel whole? Do I have worth if I'm not taking care of others? Do others expect me to take care of them, or do I put that on myself? Would I ever say no if one of my Five asked me for something I didn't think I could give? Probably not - I don't think so - maybe - probably - probably not.
Maybe the problem isn't that I feel like the deli meat in the middle of the sandwich, or even that I feel like I've torn myself into tiny little pieces. Maybe it's that I don't feel like I'm the WHOLE sandwich. My beloved family is the bread, the mayo, mustard, lettuce, onions, and tomato, and I'm just the teensy slice in the middle. Great. Now I'm hungry.
So I sit here, at 12:52 on a Monday morning, enjoying the darkness, the glow of my Himalayan salt lamp, wondering if I've ever felt like a whole sandwich, afraid that I haven't, and wondering if it's too late to start making my Sandwich Soul Snack, this time making sure I keep myself whole and in the middle of my whole life. I don't think it's too late, but I'd better get going. I'm probably going to enter middle age one of these years.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Thursday, February 25, 2016
The Essential Core Meditation:
So as we get acquainted with the notion of having a safe place within us, it can help to have some guidance, our own North Star, so to speak, to lead us to our own Core. I've been speaking, writing, teaching, and leading meditation groups for the past 25 years (not that that necessarily makes me any kind of expert), but it helps, I think. :)
It's always a good idea to start your centering process with a few conscious deep breaths. So often when we're stressed out and running like crazy we forget to breathe, or we start shallow breathing. This serves to fling us to those crazy outer areas of our lives, you know - the swirling areas where we become forgetful, foggy, crabby, overwhelmed. Breathing helps. You can always have that basic piece to return to when the going gets tough.
Do you trust that you have the capacity for peace within you? That's a really honest question, so think about it before you answer "of course!" You may actually believe that you are just hard-wired for stress and fatigue and overload. But you don't only have the capacity for peace, you ARE Peace! I fully believe we're hard-wired for joy, and love, and abundance. We just have forgotten along the way. I'll help you remember.
To do this meditation you'll need only a few things: complete silence (or one of my meditation CDs :) ), undisturbed time (hahahaha - that autocorrected to "undies turned" - I guess that could work, too!), and a comfortable place to sit. Eyes open or eyes closed - doesn't matter. Sitting cross-legged or feet on the floor - doesn't matter. Hands in your lap, or in your favorite mudra - doesn't matter. Are you sensing a pattern here? I don't get too caught up in the "must-do's" - that will stop you before you start. And part of this is you getting to know YOU. You're unique. So you're in charge of how your setup looks. And of course feel free to alter any of my suggestions for the meditation, as well.
When you're comfortable, and your phone's turned off (please), roll your shoulders, or your neck, if that feels good. Settle in. Just enjoy being in this quiet space with yourself. You're fabulous, after all - why wouldn't you want to just hang out with yourself for a while? Smile a little. Breathe. Feel your chair solid beneath your listen to the noises of your world. The cars on the highway, the birds in the tree, the neighbor's dog barking. Isn't that all sweet?
Now just start gently tuning in to your internal landscape. We hardly EVER do that, do we? How does your head feel? Your eyes? Your ears? Your neck? If you notice any sore or stiff parts, gently send love to those areas. You can even mentally say something like "Hey sweet neck - looks like you're kind of sore. Sorry about that. Here's some love - I'll try to take better care of you..." Keep going. Don't stress about order or what to say or think about - just pretend you're at a party and you're looking at everyone there. Notice them.
This could/should only take a few minutes, and is a GREAT basic meditation practice in itself. I try to do it every morning before I roll out of bed. I just sit up in my bed and do it because, yeah, I'm super lazy that way.
The next step is to bring your attention to your torso area. In my years of doing this work, I've found a majority of Essential Cores to be anywhere from right below the belly button to right below the throat. But hey - if yours is in your right big toe, that's super cool! Go for it. Just set your intention by saying something like "I'm here. Now please show me where you are..." (Yes - I DO talk to my body like that) and then sit in an open space and notice anything you may feel. It could be a warming in your heart area, or a pleasant tugging in your stomach. Remember - this is your own special journey to yourself, so nobody can tell you what HAS to happen or how.
When you think you've gotten a clue, check it out - call your attention to that area and take some more deep breaths, then imagine that you're sinking 100% into that space. For me, when I'm there it always feels like I'm in a wide open green field, surrounded by little brightly colored flowers. I'm usually sitting under a beautiful, ancient tree. Ahhhhh - I feel like signing off and going there now.
Got it? Stay there. Let the energy of that calm, beautiful, Essential Place seep into your consciousness. Sometimes you can see images or hear noises (birds, the wind, music), but if you are feeling happy, that's your greatest clue that you've discovered your EC (Essential Core), and it IS Essential, because this is part that's connected to unconditional love, to Source, to everyone else, and nothing 'bad' or sad or scary of mean can touch. It's sacred. It's your own Sanity Haven in the midst of the storm. So the first step is to find it. The second step is to visit frequently, and the third step? Of course - it's to be able to reside there permanently. Make it your Command Center. Life is SO amazing when you can live from Love. You don't react anymore - you are clear-headed, able to say the 'right' things. You sleep peacefully, and go through your days with enthusiasm and joy.
Yeah - I want to go to there! So let me know if you have any questions, but otherwise? Happy Journeying. I'd love to hear of your experiences in the comments below.
So as we get acquainted with the notion of having a safe place within us, it can help to have some guidance, our own North Star, so to speak, to lead us to our own Core. I've been speaking, writing, teaching, and leading meditation groups for the past 25 years (not that that necessarily makes me any kind of expert), but it helps, I think. :)
It's always a good idea to start your centering process with a few conscious deep breaths. So often when we're stressed out and running like crazy we forget to breathe, or we start shallow breathing. This serves to fling us to those crazy outer areas of our lives, you know - the swirling areas where we become forgetful, foggy, crabby, overwhelmed. Breathing helps. You can always have that basic piece to return to when the going gets tough.
Do you trust that you have the capacity for peace within you? That's a really honest question, so think about it before you answer "of course!" You may actually believe that you are just hard-wired for stress and fatigue and overload. But you don't only have the capacity for peace, you ARE Peace! I fully believe we're hard-wired for joy, and love, and abundance. We just have forgotten along the way. I'll help you remember.
To do this meditation you'll need only a few things: complete silence (or one of my meditation CDs :) ), undisturbed time (hahahaha - that autocorrected to "undies turned" - I guess that could work, too!), and a comfortable place to sit. Eyes open or eyes closed - doesn't matter. Sitting cross-legged or feet on the floor - doesn't matter. Hands in your lap, or in your favorite mudra - doesn't matter. Are you sensing a pattern here? I don't get too caught up in the "must-do's" - that will stop you before you start. And part of this is you getting to know YOU. You're unique. So you're in charge of how your setup looks. And of course feel free to alter any of my suggestions for the meditation, as well.
When you're comfortable, and your phone's turned off (please), roll your shoulders, or your neck, if that feels good. Settle in. Just enjoy being in this quiet space with yourself. You're fabulous, after all - why wouldn't you want to just hang out with yourself for a while? Smile a little. Breathe. Feel your chair solid beneath your listen to the noises of your world. The cars on the highway, the birds in the tree, the neighbor's dog barking. Isn't that all sweet?
Now just start gently tuning in to your internal landscape. We hardly EVER do that, do we? How does your head feel? Your eyes? Your ears? Your neck? If you notice any sore or stiff parts, gently send love to those areas. You can even mentally say something like "Hey sweet neck - looks like you're kind of sore. Sorry about that. Here's some love - I'll try to take better care of you..." Keep going. Don't stress about order or what to say or think about - just pretend you're at a party and you're looking at everyone there. Notice them.
This could/should only take a few minutes, and is a GREAT basic meditation practice in itself. I try to do it every morning before I roll out of bed. I just sit up in my bed and do it because, yeah, I'm super lazy that way.
The next step is to bring your attention to your torso area. In my years of doing this work, I've found a majority of Essential Cores to be anywhere from right below the belly button to right below the throat. But hey - if yours is in your right big toe, that's super cool! Go for it. Just set your intention by saying something like "I'm here. Now please show me where you are..." (Yes - I DO talk to my body like that) and then sit in an open space and notice anything you may feel. It could be a warming in your heart area, or a pleasant tugging in your stomach. Remember - this is your own special journey to yourself, so nobody can tell you what HAS to happen or how.
When you think you've gotten a clue, check it out - call your attention to that area and take some more deep breaths, then imagine that you're sinking 100% into that space. For me, when I'm there it always feels like I'm in a wide open green field, surrounded by little brightly colored flowers. I'm usually sitting under a beautiful, ancient tree. Ahhhhh - I feel like signing off and going there now.
Got it? Stay there. Let the energy of that calm, beautiful, Essential Place seep into your consciousness. Sometimes you can see images or hear noises (birds, the wind, music), but if you are feeling happy, that's your greatest clue that you've discovered your EC (Essential Core), and it IS Essential, because this is part that's connected to unconditional love, to Source, to everyone else, and nothing 'bad' or sad or scary of mean can touch. It's sacred. It's your own Sanity Haven in the midst of the storm. So the first step is to find it. The second step is to visit frequently, and the third step? Of course - it's to be able to reside there permanently. Make it your Command Center. Life is SO amazing when you can live from Love. You don't react anymore - you are clear-headed, able to say the 'right' things. You sleep peacefully, and go through your days with enthusiasm and joy.
Yeah - I want to go to there! So let me know if you have any questions, but otherwise? Happy Journeying. I'd love to hear of your experiences in the comments below.
Friday, February 12, 2016
The Eye of the Hurricane - Going Within
I have started and stopped this post several times. I circle around the topics like a vulture on a dead musk ox. I have words. Then I have no words. So now I am landed. And I find myself in the eye of the hurricane, wanting just to curl up on the couch and stare at the wall.
Why? When did it start? It's been going on for years, my friends. Look back at your life. Didn't it used to be kind of safe? Predictable? Boring, even? Sometimes I LONG for boring. But not really. Around the first of the new year, a huge 'Storm' started brewing. I call it the Storm for Bringing Up Everything We Need to Get Rid Of (or SFBUEWNTGRO). Throughout our lives we've stuffed things - painful memories, thoughts, fears - we stuff them into black garbage bags and throw them in our basements or garages. Eventually they crowd into our conscious days until we are carefully weaving our way in a narrow lane, ala "Hoarders" style.
Enough! We need to clear it. And boy do we need to clear it. I started with my Essential Work, and it transformed my life (it's ongoing, trust me). But what is Essential, anyway? I'm giving a talk in a week on it, so it's giving me a great chance to really go deep and get to the Core of what it means to live an Essential Life, and just what is our Core, anyway?
What did Clean Sweep do? Took everything out of the room and laid it all out on the front lawn. Shocking? Yes. Embarrassing? Certainly. Necessary? Definitely. So this is what's been going on for the last month and a half - a soul-clearing Clean Sweep. And it's exhausting. I've felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when the tornado comes and she wakes up on her bed to see the cow mooing by, then the boards, then the witch. Around and around, but more deeper and deeper, on all levels at the same time. Confusing? YES.
So let's just start with the premise that we've got professionals helping us with this soul Essentializing process. Trust them. They know what they're doing, even when it feels like chaos with everything strewn out everywhere. What does that mean for us in particular? One second we're happy, then we're crying, then we're angry, then we're determined and clear, then we're foggy-headed - all within the span of a half hour sometimes. That's okay - ride those waves, baby. Just keep breathing and watching what's going on, just as if you were watching people carrying boxes and bags out of a room. You may feel anxious, overwhelmed, ashamed, nervous, excited - all at the same time. Normal! But let the process keep unfolding.
See? I feel like I'm rambling, trying to scramble into the Center of it all, so let's just jump straight there. Around the perimeter there's swirling - it's chaos, extreme vertigo and dizziness and upset. So understand that if that's any of what you've been feeling lately, take a few deep breaths and choose to go to your Center, your Core, the Essential Part of who you are. For me it's right below my heart. When I close my eyes I can feel almost like a sun shining there. When I focus on that part, and make it my intention to BE there, I feel everything non-essential dropping away and I'm left with a full feeling of peace and joy. I'm not worried about my dad or any of my kids. I'm not worried about my work or my future. I'm not thinking about the laundry or grocery shopping. I'm just enjoying being in that Space. And I say this, knowing it may sound trite, but do you know what that Space really is? The Present. Yeah yeah - insert quote about the Present is the Present and all that, but I'm totally serious. Try it if you don't believe me.
Next time I'll write a meditation for you to try to help you get to your Essential Center. That IS a story for another day. Until next time? Remember to breathe, and if you feel like you're in a huge swirl, try to get to the eye of your Life Hurricane. It's a lot more peaceful there. And you won't get hit by any flying cows.
Why? When did it start? It's been going on for years, my friends. Look back at your life. Didn't it used to be kind of safe? Predictable? Boring, even? Sometimes I LONG for boring. But not really. Around the first of the new year, a huge 'Storm' started brewing. I call it the Storm for Bringing Up Everything We Need to Get Rid Of (or SFBUEWNTGRO). Throughout our lives we've stuffed things - painful memories, thoughts, fears - we stuff them into black garbage bags and throw them in our basements or garages. Eventually they crowd into our conscious days until we are carefully weaving our way in a narrow lane, ala "Hoarders" style.
Enough! We need to clear it. And boy do we need to clear it. I started with my Essential Work, and it transformed my life (it's ongoing, trust me). But what is Essential, anyway? I'm giving a talk in a week on it, so it's giving me a great chance to really go deep and get to the Core of what it means to live an Essential Life, and just what is our Core, anyway?
What did Clean Sweep do? Took everything out of the room and laid it all out on the front lawn. Shocking? Yes. Embarrassing? Certainly. Necessary? Definitely. So this is what's been going on for the last month and a half - a soul-clearing Clean Sweep. And it's exhausting. I've felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when the tornado comes and she wakes up on her bed to see the cow mooing by, then the boards, then the witch. Around and around, but more deeper and deeper, on all levels at the same time. Confusing? YES.
So let's just start with the premise that we've got professionals helping us with this soul Essentializing process. Trust them. They know what they're doing, even when it feels like chaos with everything strewn out everywhere. What does that mean for us in particular? One second we're happy, then we're crying, then we're angry, then we're determined and clear, then we're foggy-headed - all within the span of a half hour sometimes. That's okay - ride those waves, baby. Just keep breathing and watching what's going on, just as if you were watching people carrying boxes and bags out of a room. You may feel anxious, overwhelmed, ashamed, nervous, excited - all at the same time. Normal! But let the process keep unfolding.
See? I feel like I'm rambling, trying to scramble into the Center of it all, so let's just jump straight there. Around the perimeter there's swirling - it's chaos, extreme vertigo and dizziness and upset. So understand that if that's any of what you've been feeling lately, take a few deep breaths and choose to go to your Center, your Core, the Essential Part of who you are. For me it's right below my heart. When I close my eyes I can feel almost like a sun shining there. When I focus on that part, and make it my intention to BE there, I feel everything non-essential dropping away and I'm left with a full feeling of peace and joy. I'm not worried about my dad or any of my kids. I'm not worried about my work or my future. I'm not thinking about the laundry or grocery shopping. I'm just enjoying being in that Space. And I say this, knowing it may sound trite, but do you know what that Space really is? The Present. Yeah yeah - insert quote about the Present is the Present and all that, but I'm totally serious. Try it if you don't believe me.
Next time I'll write a meditation for you to try to help you get to your Essential Center. That IS a story for another day. Until next time? Remember to breathe, and if you feel like you're in a huge swirl, try to get to the eye of your Life Hurricane. It's a lot more peaceful there. And you won't get hit by any flying cows.
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